Things to do Thanksgiving Day to be excused early

THINGS TO DO THANKSGIVING DAY IF YOU WANT TO BE EXCUSED EARLY

1. Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your shirt (males only), shoes and socks at the dinner table.
2. Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.
3. Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.
4. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking.
5. Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.
6. Hold your nose while you eat.
7. Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
8. At mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See Mom, I told you they wouldn't notice, you were worried for nothing."
9. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that you've got a new fear of choking.
10. When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.